in the early 2010 decade- 2011 and 2013- I lost two young people I loved, after writing about it late last year, a hanging issue was, how does one overcome grief?
One is no amount of reading in psychology or philosophy can prepare you for grief. Some masters in Psychology like the swiss Carl Jung were never prepared. The German genius philosophers Nietche went mad with it. I can also see Isaac Newton laying prostate crying at the bottom of a mango tree.
The Gravity of Grief has one law: It has to get you if it comes.
And, if it doesn’t something is fundamentally wrong with you – maybe you are like those people who never experience love. And for those, Like Harry was told in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows:
“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love”
I would like to think- her awesomeness, J. K Rowlings, meant, the living are bound to have scars and get soaked and shocked and that is why Harry should be pity the living. And also pity, the ones who live without love for their punishment is they never really experience life. They may think they’re the masters of it- and, many miss guided characters, even spend colossal amounts of money to be taught how to feel less but that ain’t no living, it’s really a pity.
Grief is Love.
And that’s the first thing we can note on overcoming grieve: scars are prove of love.
Now, here is a beautiful analogy of grief I found :
Imagine you’re at sea with big waves. And the ship gets capsized. Now you’re floating on the sea with metals, shoes, and bottles, and big waves all lurching towards you.
At first, the waves are huge. Maybe many meters tall. How tall are waves? Not sure. At first, also, the waves hit you milliseconds apart. And have massive energy.
A month or so later, the waves still hit at you and are still big in height deepness. But now there is one difference :
The waves are now quite apart. They don’t come seconds apart. Now they may come months or weeks apart.
At this point, the waves are triggered by memories: pictures, a song, a person, a name …
Probably a year later or so later- varies from person to person, the waves now don’t have the same height, they are now many feet shorter. And they’re many ways apart and they come in between events.
Another important thing is at this point you may have become some sort of ‘this’ wave expert – that’s you know the triggers. Perhaps you’re aware during an Anniversary or Christmas, this pain comes back and you soak wet. You may have heard people say :
“May is always a difficult time for me ” or “I really hate Christmas because it reminds me of…”
But, at this epoch, in between the waves, life has some semblance of normalcy,
So let’s check: how many scars do you have ?: Deaths of Family, Friends, Colleagues, loved leaders, sore Heartbreaks…scars are proof of love..
So this is for the ones that live with love.
The Truth Matters
What they have said about #AskKipaji
“You are the only person I get to learn from on Facebook” He Talketh 9/3/2019